The Rising Tide

The rhythm of my life is measured in three-month cycles. At the start of each cycle, I begin someplace new, where everything is fresh and exciting. Be it the fire lookout, San Diego, Santa Fe, or even just home, I’m ready to dive headfirst into an ocean of possibilities and new experiences. I spend that first month exploring my immediate surroundings, visiting new sights, making new friends, and, most importantly, establishing a routine that will see me through my goals.

By the second month, my new life is in full swing. My daily rhythms have been established, and I spend my days working towards goals and steeping myself in the special mundanities of that locale. Walking my favorite routes. Eating at my favorite taco stand. Finding new viewpoints to soak everything in. I’m less focused on exploring, and more focused on living. In the midst of it all, it feels like I’ve been there my whole life. But, like clockwork, by the end of the second month, the tide of restlessness that has always defined my life begins to flow, slowly but steadily. It rises each day, hardly noticeable, until all the crevices of my soul are soaked with the quiet call to new ports and new adventures.

By the end of the third month, I’m saturated with wanderlust and my heart is calling me onward. I start to catch glimpses of old sights in my mind’s eye — waves crashing on southern California beaches, humble adobe churches in Santa Fe, sailing through wide open plains as a lonely ship in a sea of grass. I’ve heard it said that you’re either a farmer or a sailor, either content to settle down and build something or yearning to wander from port to port. I’ve always been a sailor. My heart has always called me to new locales and sights unseen. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to settle down, if my eyes will ever see enough. But I also don’t know if I’ll ever want that to happen. I’m living the life I’ve always dreamed of and yet never thought was possible for me. Why would I ever want to give that up? And so I must go. The open road is calling…

September is my favorite time of year at the fire lookout. After a long summer, fire season is finally near its end. Temperatures drop. Humidities rise. As the days grow shorter and cooler, fire has less opportunity to start and spread. At this point, the entire forest is watching, waiting, for the autumn rains to come and scrub the smoke from the smoldering atmosphere.

And then it happens. The wind starts to blow. Clouds fill the sky. There’s a chill in the air. It’s not a thunderstorm, but instead my favorite visitor — the calm, abundant rains of fall. It rains for days, gently tapping the lookout’s windows before advancing to a steady drumming on the roof. As it rains, the forest exhales and I’m completely shrouded in fog so thick I can’t see more than a hundred feet. There’s nothing to do on these days except light a fire, curl up with a book, and let a season’s worth of vigilance drain from my shoulders. I can rest easy knowing that the fires that have been raging for weeks are being subdued by this constant, gentle drizzle.

And then the reveal. The rain finally stops. The fog dissipates. And it feels like the world has been born anew. Before me is an azure sky with the bright sun blazing. The air is crisp and clean. Gone is the smoke that’s choked the forest for weeks, blurring all the ridges together into a tawny, nebulous mass. I can see the mountains again, stretching as far as the eye can see. I can even make out the individual trees growing on their flanks. After being socked in with smoke for weeks, it feels like my eyes have been upgraded to 4k. And that’s just the start. The forest knows winter is coming and starts to prepare. The huckleberry leaves blush a deep crimson while their bushy counterparts glow gold. Pikas scurry around with mouthfuls of grass to sustain them through the cold. Elk bugles echo through the valleys…

Freed from the worry of new fires, I’m plunged into an intense state of presence. I know my time here is ending. The tide will soon come to carry me to distant shores, so I do everything I can to soak in every moment, every scent, every color, every sensation. The parts of me that had begun taking this incredible place for granted are renewed, and I’m returned to that child-like state of wonder where I see the magic in everything around me. I can’t believe that what my eyes are seeing is real. It blows my mind that I wake up to these mountains each morning, that I get to commune with this forest on my walks, that the stars sing me to sleep each night. It’s almost too wonderful to be real. In the last weeks of September, my soul flies as free as the birds dancing in the wind as they head south for winter. It’s my favorite time of year, not just because of the mountains’ immense beauty, but because the knowledge that I’m leaving causes me to see everything with new eyes and fresh wonder.

_{Ratings: [5* - All Time Favorite] [5 - Will read again in 5 years] [4 - Will read again in 10 years] [3 - Good story or prose, but won’t read again]
[2 - Has a redeeming quality, but not good overall] [1 - Irredeemable]}

Let me know if you read or enjoy any of these books! I’ve included links to buy them on Amazon. It helps me out if you do, but no pressure at all. Libraries are free 😁 
And send me your own book recommendations as well!
I’ll leave you with this hauntingly beautiful quote from Dorian:

I found some more great songs this month that I’m excited to share with you! Under the Surface by Sultan + Shepard is my favorite discovery so far. I’ve been listening to Sultan + Shepard since college, and their music has only gotten better. This chill house song is such a vibe and helps still everything within me. Next, a friend of mine introduced me to Lift You Up by LÉON. It’s a beautiful, relaxing song that makes you want to fall in love. Headlights by In Color rounds out the list. An alternative rock song by an indie group, this song makes you want to drive for miles and miles across the empty desert.

Have you discovered any songs you love this month? Please share them with me. I’m always on the hunt for new music!

Thanks for reading all the way through this newsletter! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Let me know what you think!

When you receive this, I’ll be in the middle of my county quest on the way back home, visiting as many new counties and places as I can. I’m sure it’ll be a good one, and I’ll be posting videos about the places I go, so be sure to check them out! I always look forward to these voyages each year. And what about you? Are you a sailor or a farmer?

Love always,

Ben